REAL-izations.

So I've come to some realizations about me that don't neccesarily make me happy, but nevertheless seem to be quite true. For the last while, probably about year or half year, I've been touting myself as a dancer and a musician to anyone who asked what I wanted to do. Well, I did. I wanted nothing more in the world than to be a rockstar or a star of some musical. Not that those dreams are dead, because I still love both dance, particularly tap, and music. Destiny seems to be pointing me a different direction.

I haven't ever believed particularly in destiny. From the time I was aware to about middle school I firmly believed I was going to be an artist, a painter. Then during middle school I went through a stage where I just thought I was thug. I don't think I wanted to be anything. Then for most of high school I didn't want anything, and for the last few years all I've wanted is to be a rockstar. Then my sister went off to dance at college, and all of a sudden a glittering career in dance was all I dreamed for.

So I started dancing again, well, before she went to college, but that's not the point. I realized how ridiculously tall I am. However I'm skinny, so that wasn't a deterent. It shouldn't be -- I love dancing. However, with my embarkment upon my college career, I've found a new love. A love that is daily being abused. A love that is, through no fault of its own, rotting from the inside out. You all know about my slight obsession with grammar. Well, maybe it's more than slight, but that's not the point. My point is that I think I've found my true love in the English language. It needs protecting and fixing. Sure, I'm going to change my mind again next year, but I think I've got something. Besides, if someone isn't writing correctly, where is the perversion of language going to end?

I also realized, right after I pressed the publish post button, how freeing this feels. I guess I've tied myself down too young in life, because no matter what I say I'm going to spend the rest of my life doing right now, it's going to change. That's just the way things are. I grew out of the artist idea, and I guess I'm growing out of the dancer idea and the musician idea. I suppose I might grow out of the English idea, too, but it seems like a good one to stick with for now.